Thursday, April 21, 2011

Don't you just hate mornings like that?

So yep the rain has me waaaaaaay behind schedule which really gets my panties all in a wad but now I am have to take another kid to the doctor today. (We were just there Monday for pete's sake!) Doesn't he look so happy about it? (Actually this was from our zoo trip and he was irritated with me because I didn't have an endless supply of juice boxes for him to slurp in one gulp after we visited every animal.)

Anyway, he has an ear-ache and I just know it will turn into a situation requiring surgery if I don't take him today. Well, maybe not surgery but a trip to the urgent care at least, I'm taking him just to be safe. BUT it is wrecking some serious havoc on my "things to do list" for this week, two doctor visits in one week of terrential downpours, I need a vacation!

So I was going to share about the kids coloring eggs but I had a situation this morning that seemed tons better. It involved me sitting on the potty. It's not that kind of story so bear with me.

Picture this: I am sitting there, just peeing, no biggie. No one is awake yet. So I think, there is my awesome book just waiting to be read. I love books that start out with a cute southern woman throwing peaches at other people, they just make me want to stay up all night reading! I just thought I'd rest there for a minute and read a couple pages. I'm enjoying a page when out of the corner of my eye I see something moving. I try to ignore it, I don't have my contacts in yet, just glasses and I swear I don't see as well with them. Probably just a dust bunny, you know I hate cleaning my bathroom.

A couple paragraphs later, I see it again. It is a big old daddy long leg spider crawling up the wall. I am trying so hard to ignore that guy. I hardly ever get uniterrupted reading time. So what if I am parked on the pot to do it? It is nice and quiet in there for a change. I read a few words and daddy is getting close to my towel that is hanging their waiting for me to shower up. OK, so I look around for a weapon, this book is really good, I just want to finish the page! All I have is a bookmark. Not exactly lethal.

Just in case you are wondering, tossing a bookmark at a spider does not do ANYTHING to keep him from climbing in the towel you plan on using after you take a shower. So I think, fine daddy, I am strong, I'm not afraid of you, I want to finish this darn page and my big old pregnant butt is going to do it! I try to keep reading. Then, daddy decides the floor is where the action is. He begins to make his way down the wall.

Still trying to finish the page about painted lady houses (which I love by the way) and daddy is almost to the floor. I look for another weapon. The empty toilet paper roll, that will do it! Yes! (By the way, I think I am the only person in my house who knows how to change those darn things, drives me batty!) I throw it at him. What do I think it is going to do scare him under the crack in the door? I don't know. I throw it anyway.

Just in case you are wondering, tossing an empty toilet paper roll at a spider does not do ANYTHING to keep him from inching closer to your foot as you try to read a stinkin' page in a book! I am determined to finish this page. Stubborn is a word I would lovingly use to describe myself, in case you are wondering. I finish the page (super funny by the way, I want to go on but...) and daddy is missing. OK, I am not "scared" of spiders but they do kind of creep me out. I don't want them climbing in my hair or on my feet or anything like that so I am kind of panicky.

I jump up as fast as I can with a 20 pound belly jutting straight out in front of me and frantically start looking on my legs. Do you think you'd feel a daddy long leg spider on your legs? Would it tickle? I don't see him but I throw my book across the floor, I don't want him on that either by golly. I spot him making a break for it, he kind of blended in with our floor tile, oh no you don't buddy! I grab my weapon of last resort, my slipper, and mush him. Sorry to all you spider savers (I usually save them and take them outside if the kids see them, but on my own I am a ruthless bug smasher!), he had tortured me for at least 3 whole minutes, I felt he had a good death.

Now I am all bummed out, I missed out on my only 5 minutes of peace for the day, I'll probably have to read that page all over again, and now my slipper is tainted with spider guts. I am pretty sure I pulled a valuable muscle jumping up off the potty, I mean really, preggo women should not be jumping up from seated positions! And I have guilt over killing the innocent daddy long leg guy, he probably was somebody's daddy!

Don't you just hate mornings like that?

Here is the book I am trying to read... better luck next potty break.

1 comment:

Jill said...

LOL I can totally relate!

Hope you have a wonderful afternoon!