screaming in the grocery

What do you think about unsolicited advice from strangers? Today was my grocery shopping day. Kids loaded in the video cart with snacks and drinks, my list in hand, I'm ready to zoom through the store as usual. I was so glad that I didn't have to get anything out of the norm, things I'd have to search for because that always takes me longer. I was looking forward to a quick-ish trip. The kids were entertained for about 7 minutes until we passed the giant summer displays (thanks Meijer!) of basketballs, Parker's fave, and Hannah Montana books, Zoe's fave. OK, I averted those meltdowns with a promise to go see the fish. Off to the fish we go.... we say hi to the fishies, and the crying, climbing, yelling (not me, them!), begins. Everyone we passed was giving me these looks: "oh you poor thing" or "get your kids out of here, they are obnoxious". I tried to keep my gaze low and focus on my list. Oh, gotta grab that bag of peanut M&M's, I think I'm going to need them later. After two aisles of ignoring them, I had to finally give them the ultimatum, "sit down in the cart or I'm getting a regular cart with seatbelts!" They sat for about six boxes of cereal, then Parker is hanging out the door and Zoe is saying, "Mo-om, can I get that Hannah Montana book back there?" I say, "no, sit down, we'll get a cookie in a minute." Keep looking at my list, keep pushing the bus, I mean cart, through the store, get out of here. I was strongly considering opening those M&M's right there, but I didn't. Then I hear it, a lady, looking about my age, talking to her what I assume is her mom, "my kids never act like that here, they are always so good in those video carts." I silently curse her and flip her the bird in my mind. I keep going, gotta get some Dr. Pepper or it's gonna get ugly! No time for the butcher today, get prepackaged meat, we'll forgo fresh for survival. The sample lady cooking some kind of stinky sausage shakes her head when she sees Parker hanging upside down from the front of the cart. I want to scream, "what Grandma, haven't you ever seen a crazed child before?!" I didn't do that because I am almost done, literally. I have to get my deli meat and fruit and then I can check out. So Parker is out of the cart running like a madman, how did he get out, I have no idea. An elderly man says, "you've got your hands full." I smile and say my rehearsed answer to this one (I get it a lot), "yep, full of goodness!" I want to kick him as I go by. Parker does a total nose dive onto the floor and is screaming his head off crying. I try to ignore him when another elderly man tells me, "Is he yours? He's a fireball." I nod, yep, I know mister, now move or I'll run you over with my bus. Get in line at the deli and the deli lady says, get ready for what just about sent me over the edge, "sounds like you have someone who needs a nap." Now, I was seething with anger, at my kids for their behavior, myself for bringing them with me again, my husband for working all the time and not keeping them for me, my mom for being to young to retire and watch my kids all the time, the cart people for making these dumb giant things I have to drive all over the store, but she really made me the maddest, is that a word? Where do people get off telling me what my kids need? I mean, don't you think lady, that I'd prefer him to not be screaming either? I want him to sit quietly as I compare prices and read nutrition labels, but that's not reality. I swear it took all my strength and faith and goodness I could muster to not jump over the display case like Spiderman and grab her by the neck and throw her on the ground. I just sort-of smiled and said, "yeah I guess so. Can I have some turkey please?" We go check out, no big incidents there, thankfully. My kids dart for the mechanical ponies as I am paying and I hear Parker screaming crying again, he is hurt, must have bonked his head. I go to help him and guess who comes by? The parenting expert from the deli, aren't I so lucky? She has the nerve to speak to me again. Does she not know I hate her right now? She says, "boy somebody is mad at you!" This time I don't say anything because I'm afraid of what I might say. Ponies rides complete, out to the car and guess what? It's pouring down rain, thanks! No BFD, what could be any worse? As I load Parker in his car seat a lady honks (!) at me to move my cart so she can have the spot next to mine which is one closer to the door. OK mean-lady (not what I was really thinking then but I think I'd better say that now) I move my cart, finish buckling him, load my groceries and then I see her get out with a giant umbrella. I am soaked, my hair looks like I just took a shower, white shirt soaked through, black mascara running down my cheeks and she's got a freakin' umbrella, are you kidding me!!!!!!!! I had to give my keys to Zoe because I was about a nanosecond away from keying her car. Ugh, I hate this day.